confession

Tired. This concert going lifestyle of theirs is terribly exhausting for me. Somehow. I don’t know why, I don’t know how but it is. An empty head I am full with right now, only the music. It is somehow great yet. Fantastic somehow. I don’t think I can find a way out of this. I’m just gonna have to take it as it is. Go wherever they go, go whenever they go, perform wherever and whenever.

Be there, support them all trough whatever it takes. However exhausting it may gets. Till the very last breath I will, I will have to. Maybe I am, I hope that after all their most devoted fan, their most enthusiastic supporter. For the last 17 months I haven’t missed a single concert, a single appearance. I was there on every gig.

I want to believe now that they couldn’t make it without me. That I am part of the band and I will always be. I am tired. I don’t believe that I have ever been so tired. I don’t think this is possible to be this tired. Maybe I feel that final day coming, just around the corner. Maybe the day we part is approaching sooner than I thought. Maybe… I fear but I know I shall not. I should take comfort in knowing that the show, the band will live on. He will continue without me. They will, he will feel I’m gone and he may write songs remembering.

Jazz is my life. This will always tie us stronger than any knot on a tie ever can. I am tired. It’s been a long week, a long summer; little town festivals, single gigs here and there and it is a large country. A very large country. Long roads. But I’m always there. Never miss. We’re always together and always will be as long as the thread, the silk in my body keeps in together and allows me in person to be there, I will. I will be there and I will be his favourite tie long as I will.

Tod

‘What are you doing here?’ she asked with a tone of innocence in her voice, like a veil on a wedding dress: ready, anticipating. ‘Just hangin’’ he said with boredom, a bit coy. He was used to this kind of chance encounters, always with someone else, always with a hint of innocence, always a pale, shadowless white. ‘I guess I’m just waiting’ he added putting on a bit friendlier tone. She had to leave for a moment but she was back in no time and started thinking of ways to turn this chance meeting into a fruitful conversation. ‘What are you waiting for?’ she asked then and the smile she received before the answer made her heart melt, told her she was on the right track. ‘Something to happen, someone to call’ and his answer she didn’t like much at all. She didn’t want to know who might call so she turned the conversation to be about the two of them there in the moment. But first she had to go away for a brief moment again. When returning she asked ‘Isn’t something happening now?’ trying to hide the flicker of hope in her voice. He smiled again, that wonderful smile before he replied ‘I guess you are right-’ he paused before continuing ‘I’m Tod’ he said at last introducing himself to the lady. This thing between them however never stood a chance. I was never going to put my phone in a cup of coffee.